Things you shouldn’t say to someone who’s suffering (and what you could say instead!)

1 Cor 13:8 “Love never fails…”

Don’t ask… “How are you?” - it is too general and difficult to answer. Instead ask …. “How are you doing TODAY?”

Don’t say… “Have a great week!” Instead say… “I will message you in the week to see how you’re doing.”

Don’t say… “God knows!” Instead ask… “How can I pray for you?”

Don’t say… “This was God’s plan it’ll all work out in the end!” None of us knows why suffering happens. Instead… encourage them with positive scripture.

Don’t say… “Call me if you need anything!” It’s a vague offer of help. Instead offer specific help… “I’d like to bring you a spaghetti bolognese on Tuesday or I’m free Thursday can I run any errands for you?”

Don’t say… “Things could be so much worse you should be thankful, count your blessings” You can’t minimise pain this way. Instead say… “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way”. And listen to understand, more than speak.

Don’t say… “I’ll pray for you” People usually forget. Instead say… “Can I take a few moments to pray for you right NOW”

Don’t say… “Lets meet up sometime!” It sounds casual and uncaring. Instead say… “I’m really glad you feel you can share with me. Let’s make a date NOW to have a coffee and talk some more”.

Don’t say… “lots of Bible characters suffered, it’s scriptural!” This is like a discouraging mini sermon. Instead say… “You’re not alone in your suffering, let’s look at scripture together or testimonies to encourage us”.

Don’t say… “Sounds like you’re not handling things well, I’ll drop off some books to help you”. This is unsolicited advice that sounds like veiled criticism. Instead say… “I know you’re facing difficult days, how can I help to encourage you?”

5 extra tips to help your suffering friend

• Show up in person

• Offer specific help and encouragement

• Be consistent

• Listen to them

• Pray with them